“A person can only meet another, as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” How deeply have you met yourself?
Why Self-Discovery is Crucial to Your Happiness, Health & Success
So many people have succeeded in checking off the list of things they were taught that mattered in life – the job, the car, the family, etc. – but they still feel unfulfilled and happy. I see this all the time when coaching high achieving women. It’s a classic example of chasing goals to try to be happier… as most humans do… but it does not bring us meaning or fulfillment.
So, what’s currently most likely missing from your life? …
What’s missing is a deep, loving and caring relationship with yourself – and not having to rely on the outside world to feel worthy or loved. Most of us are “all grown up”, but still live like children looking to others at work and at home for validation and self-worth. You need:
- A connection with the person you truly want to be, not how others define you or tell you how you should be
- The ability to build a life, based on what’s truly valuable to you, while exercising your best qualities and unique strengths…
- To get what you need, physically, mentally and spiritually.
- To be true to yourself, while doing what you love.
- To take mindful actions that are guided by your values, not the values of anyone else
This is the way towards a richer, fuller, more meaningful life!
My Self-Discovery Process Explained
1. Holistic Self-Care – The Foundation of a Successful Life
Self-Care is the foundation for a successful life. You need energy and vitality to operate your life and to set and achieve your goals and make all the changes you aspire to make. So, it is vital to care for yourself at a holistic level, physically, mentally and spiritually. We will work with a Holistic Self-Care Check-list, which will help you identify the latest scientifically proven, well-being promoting self-care actions or activities to incorporate in your life.
This is not about complying or doing everything on the list or feeling overwhelmed in any way. We want to start with identifying the items that resonate with you and slowly start building these into your daily routine. We begin with one step and we start slowly, and then build on that. It is not about being perfect, it’s about taking the smallest life enhancing steps possible if need be. One step at a time, to a happier, healthier you.
2. Core Values – Your Personal Navigation System
Your values are the qualities you want to bring to your actions. They represent the kind of person you want to be and how you want to treat yourself, others and the world around you. If you look at your life today, it is a direct reflection of your values, as all the decisions you make is based on your value system.
Values are crucially important, as they inspire and motivate our actions. So therefore, living a Values-guided life, is the key to a richer, more meaningful and fulfilled life. They are like your personal guiding compass. I will support you to identify your highest values and we will build your coaching journey and goals, centered around your values, that which matters most to you. For a Values Inventory, that will assist you in identifying your values, visit the Free Downloads page.
3. Meeting Your Needs is Vital for Your Well-being
We all have needs, even though we might try to ignore this fact. Getting our needs met is not optional, it is essential for our well-being and for our life to work. When our needs are unmet, we suffer, and we are in pain. So, we try to get them met in any way possible and mostly we resort to unwanted and self-sabotaging behaviors. We just want the pain and suffering to stop.
When we have unconscious, unmet needs, they drive our behavior, and this results in us chasing a lot of wants. When we get what we want, we get a happiness-high for a short while, but it soon wears off. Then we just start chasing the next want and so forth. Getting what we want, only brings temporary relief, and that’s why we stay trapped in this cycle (Hedonic Treadmill), because we confuse getting relief with happiness. We think if we get x, y and z, then we will be happy. Society teaches us that then we will have a good life. But it does not work! We will continue to feel unfulfilled and like there is something missing, even though we are ticking all the boxes and have all the things we’ve always wanted! Because deep down inside we are not getting what we truly need. This way of living also represents a goal-focused life.
When we get what we want, we feel temporarily happy, successful and motivated, but what happens when we don’t get what we want? When life does not goes as planned, or you are faced with a challenge? We get disappointed and feel bad, we beat ourselves up and feel like we have failed. Therefore, it’s important to focus on a Value-Centred Life, in stead of a goal focused life. This does not mean we don’t have goals and that they don’t matter. This simply means that we are focused on being who we want to be and behaving, guided by our values, regardless of whether we meet or don’t meet our goals, regardless if life is easy or hard.
When we live in alignment with our values and we create goals that are in line with our values, we are always being self-congruent, and this is what makes our lives more meaningful, fulfilled and successful. Success becomes more about being true to your values, true to yourself and accepting and loving yourself regardless, than about getting the next thing you “want”.
To download a Needs-Inventory, to support you in identifying your most crucial needs, click here.
4. Your Strengths Provide Your Biggest Opportunity for Growth
The other key resources we want to discover about you, is your Innate Strengths, talents and gifts. These are like your own human super powers! Albert Einstein wrote: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”
And yet, this is how most of us live our lives. We live in constant comparison to others. Judging our deficits. We focus on our weaknesses and are constantly trying to fix ourselves, just so we can belong and be like everybody else. What an unproductive and crazy way to live! The question I have for you at this stage of your journey is: what is your genius?
Each of us possesses a unique set of skills and talents. What if I tell you that one of your biggest opportunities for growth lies in the area of your highest strengths?
Through our coaching I will support you to identify your highest strengths. We can also do a strengths assessment called the R2 Strengths Profiler, which will give us your:
- Realized Strengths – the strengths you are excellent at and that energize you, and which are already using in your life, and we will work on mastering them.
- Unrealized strengths – the strengths you are great at but have stopped using or have forgotten about. Here we want to work at developing these strengths. They are a big opportunity for personal growth, as they also energize you.
- Learned behaviours – These are skills you have learned to be good at, as it was somehow required from you, perhaps at work or in your family, growing up. They do not come natural to you and they drain you, so we want to try and focus less on using them, and cut them out as far as possible, or replace them with a strength. Overdoing learned behaviours, can lead to burn-out.
- Weaknesses – These are the things we generally suck at. So instead of over focusing and using all our precious energy to fix ourselves. We want to just manage these, use them as little as possible and where ever possible delegate them or replace them with a strength.
So, this is the Self-Discovery Process, in a nutshell. If you are interested to connect with yourself at a deeper level, in order to live a rich, meaningful and more fulfilled life, then Request a FREE Initial Coaching Session with me, to see how we connect, and if I might be the perfect partner in your journey towards Self-Discovery.
The Self Discovery Package – Detailed
The Self-Discovery Package Detailed
The Self-Discovery Package consists of 6 x 60 minute coaching sessions, structured as follows:
- 1 x 60 minute Vision and Big Picture Session
- 1 x 60 minute Holistic Self-Care Assessment and Action Steps
- 1 x 60 minute Personal Needs Identification and Management Plan
- 1 x 60 minute Core Values Clarification and Alignment
- Realized and Unrealized Strengths Discovery, using the R2 Premium Strengths Profile Assessment (pre-work)
- 1 x 90 minute R2 Strengths Profiler De-brief discussion and Strengths Development Plan
- 1 x 60 minute Self-Congruent (Values-Based) Goal Setting
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